Chiropractic Catastrophy

I’ve fired quite a few doctors over the past fifteen years. Some of them simply weren’t up to the task of my complicated medical history, while some of them were terrified of me. Either way, I worked my way through a list of different medical practitioners, both holistic and non, until I found my current team of physicians. Sick people who don’t fire incompetent doctors are just plain lazy.

I Think She Needs Another Year of School.

I Think She Needs Another Year of School.

During my time of doctor trial and error I was willing to try any and all treatment modalities, as long as they weren’t unhealthy. One of those treatments was chiropractic care when I was about 19. The chiropractor I saw was the sweetest, most gentle woman I have ever met. She did not chastise me for taking other medications and was supportive of the additional treatment I was getting from my family doctor. This woman was cool. Unfortunately, I had no idea at that time that she was actually doing more harm than good.

The signs on the chiropractic offices around our town claim that they will eliminate ear infections, help with moody kids and knock out back pain. Most chiropractic patients are duped into feeling better by their weekly and bi-weekly appointments, but visits can be dangerous and, not only that, expensive. Most chiropractors recommend treatment plans that include multiple adjustments per month to keep your spine aligned, your headaches calmed and your emotions under control and typically these visits require x-rays, spine classes, and appointment contracts. Chiropractors who perform massage therapy in their offices usually require patients to visit the practicing chiropractor once per week for check-ups.

Most chiropractic clinics have a bizarre sense of holistic therapy that has been taken to the extreme. Lots of clinics don’t believe in medications, immunizations, and they are typically incredibly paranoid. A quick Google search landed me on the Facebook page of the Keith Clinic Estramone Chiropractic and this page is completely representative of chiropractic clinics all over the United States, which is completely terrifying because of images like this:

Crazy Spreads Fast.

Crazy Spreads Fast.

The Keith Clinic does not believe in vaccines because the clinic believes the body builds a natural tolerance to diseases over time. The Keith Clinic and its employees are absolutely insane. All the non-vaccinated kids running around out there terrify not just me, but also the CDC because the instant one of those little germ factories get a highly contagious, once forgotten disease and it starts spreading and mutating I guarantee it will hit my poor excuse for an immune system and I will land in the hospital with a disease that once was eradicated. At least now I’ll know I can blame the Keith Clinic and its confused employees.


Along with not vaccinating kids, lots of chiropractors encourage adults to forego the extremely beneficial flu shot because they believe they contain poison. Lane Chiropractic is a huge proponent of this. While quoting broken links at Shirley’s Wellness Cafe and Angel Fire, where I’m sure everyone has a medical degree, Lane says, “there is a total lack of real evidence that young children even benefit from flu shots.” The CDC says the flu shot is 60% effective in most age groups, but in some age groups it can be up to 90% effective. In our household, Mr. MVP has to get both types of the flu shot because I’m not able to get either and he has had a 100% success rate. The year I was exposed to a kid who did not get a flu shot I got the flu and was so sick my doctors wanted to put me in the hospital. Lane Chiropractic can join the Keith Clinic in the ignoramus corner.

Flintridge Family Chiropractic  along with just about every single other chiropractic clinic in America loves the images about medications, especially the one above from Natural News. Medications in the chiropractic world are taboo and chiropractors are not able to prescribe, so I’m not certain if these lists are out of frustration or if no chiropractor on earth has never really been sick. The list on the medication bottle above makes me absolutely livid because most medications have more than one function and sometimes those extra functions keep people alive, as in, stop them from dying. Statins, for instance aren’t just cholesterol lowering medications, there is research underway to use these drugs to prevent heart related complications after heart surgery. Other medications that serve multiple purposes are simply helpful, like SSRI medications which have been used to fight depression and migraines for many years. Quite frankly, I’d love Flintridge staff to feel the desperation of a migraine patient for a good 24 hours and then tell me that medications are worthless. Flintridge Family, the stupid corner is getting really full.

Yes, I'll Just Not Need My Seizure Medications So You Feel Better.

Yes, I’ll Just Not Need My Seizure Medications So You Feel Better.

So, are there methods of natural medicine that are safe and effective? I do believe the power of suggestion fits in heavily here because as an epileptic and migraineur I can tell you that meditation and yoga make absolutely no difference when I’m having a particularly bad day. I’ll spare you the details, but no amount of deep breathing is going to hold off either a bad migraine or seizure. Some people do find acupuncture, bio-feedback and massage therapy to be helpful, but those things are all relative to the severity of pain the person is feeling. Acupuncture or massage therapy may work wonders for one person, but not at all for the next. Personally, I like a cold, dark room with an ice pack.

When I was 19 and I stopped seeing my cool chiropractor it was only because the treatment wasn’t helping. I gave it a fair shot of 4 months, but I saw absolutely no improvement and decided to move on. Chiropractors are a little scary. They manipulate babies, kids and teenagers whose bones haven’t yet fully formed, they adjust adults over and over and over until they think they can’t exist without the *pop*, and they diagnose subluxations left and right to give their patients’ real pain a pretend name. Chiropractors are devious and a majority of them are a danger to our medical society, but until patients with back pain and adults with kids who suffer from ear infections start looking for other options, they aren’t going anyplace.

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