Life can truly be unkind and no matter how many inspirational quotes I Google and subsequently copy and paste to my calendar, I simply cannot motivate myself to ignore the negative. Today, I’m in a ridiculous funk.
Last night I woke up smack in the middle of the night and I knew exactly what was coming. I rolled out of bed, so I wouldn’t wake Mr. MVP and I was laying, sprawled out on the bathroom floor, freezing cold, yet burning hot at the same time and I started to get really angry. The red rash on my hand and arm that I’ve been fighting for a couple weeks because I touched a laundry detergent my skin is not agreeable to, burned. My hip, back and knees ached, and my stomach was churning. Add to this symptomatic hodgepodge, an excruciating headache, and dizziness so profound I actually wobbled when I stood up. *whine*
As I stared up at the dark ceiling and tried to bio-feedback my way out of the next set of symptoms I knew was coming, I started to cry; I was angry. Even as the burning hot tears of frustration fell down my face, I thought about the incurable physical insanity that causes my body to act irrationally and how completely incapable I am of controlling it because as the landlord, I’d still love to serve an eviction notice.
Today, as my exhausted brain and body attempt to push through, what infuriates me most are those people who I was long ago forced to leave behind because they assumed I was psychologically unbalanced. Human beings I once thought were passable sources of emotional support who turned out to be malignant and evil.
These people frustrate me to tears because I know that they are normal, with their dreamy eight hour work days, magical driver licenses, wondrous sleepy nights, fancy biological children and medication free existences. These people have no approximation of what medical complications feel like. They have no regard for a millisecond in my Danskos.
Last night while I was laying on the cool floor, I wondered if these people could handle our life, the life of Team VP. My best estimation is they would unravel within a week. These people would dissolve from medical problems that only made Team VP stronger. Don’t get me wrong, I would never wish my physical pain on anyone, but I still have a yearning to give them my symptoms for a day. Let them feel the cold eyes of suspicious emergency room doctors, undereducated resident neurologists and exhausted and forgetful nurses because you know what, I need a vacation.